The Law of the Jungle by Adam Acidophilus

One hot and sultry afternoon deep in the heart of the jungle, two frogs were out looking for food – and they didn't go hungry, there were insects everywhere.

"You know?" said one frog. "I almost feel sorry for these bugs."

"Because they're so stupid," said the first one. "They can see us sitting here, they can see that we're eating, and yet they make no attempt to escape the threat of imminent ingestion, nor indeed to warn their fellow insects," at which point he broke off to snatch another victim out of the air.

"Hey, now listen – " said the second frog, "these bugs aren't stupid, they're just lazy. They think that the jungle owes them a living! Look, they've got six legs! and wings! You can't say they haven't got advantages! But all they ever do is buzz about and sting things."

So the two frogs carried on catching insects, and munching on their wings and legs, convinced that this was their reward for being so energetic.

Now the same afternoon, in the same jungle, two snakes were out looking for food. "I don't know about you," said the first snake, "but I really fancy a frog."

"Mmm, frog!" agreed the second snake. "I just love frog . . . Pity they've got such sad little faces."

"Hey, now listen – " said the first snake – "I don't want your guilt trip, alright? They've got legs for God's sake! Frogs have it easy! They can hop, they can swim – "

" – they can croak!" quipped the other snake, who was a remarkable wit.

" – they chose to live here – " continued the first snake – "and they'll just have to put up with the consequences."

So just as the first frog was explaining to the second frog how to gain greater control over his destiny – both frogs were eaten by snakes with clear consciences.

"The thing is – " gulped the first snake – "it's dog eat dog in the jungle."

The first snake was just explaining that a dog was a brash and unwary animal that only ever got what was coming to it – when a mongoose leapt out of a bush, killed both snakes and dragged them back to his family.

"Whaddya mean?" said the father. "I risk life and limb to put food on this table and all you ever do is moan."

"But it seems so immoral," sighed the mongoose's daughter. "They never stood a chance – one can't help feeling guilty."

"But they've got no limbs," the daughter pointed out. "And they get terribly cold at night."

"I have it on good authority – " the mother began, "that snakes do have arms and legs but they leave them at home in order to induce sympathy."

"There's nothing to stop them growing fur – " the father pointed out – "and living in burrows if they really want to."

"They don't even live here anyway," said the mother. "They only come here on holiday. I wouldn't be surprised if these two snakes here didn't have substantial homes in the city!"

The mongooses ate up all of their snakes, then the daughter went to sulk on the riverbank – where she was snatched by a extremely hungry crocodile. The crocodile told his friends he felt just terrible about it – but that that was the law of the jungle – and he was himself, a few days later, shot and stuffed.