The Plant

A man went to see his doctor - in a state of some distress.

"Can I help?" asked the doctor.

"I hope so," said the man. "I feel terrible."

"What's the matter?" asked the doctor.

"Well," said the man, "it all began when I got this new house-plant."

"House-plant?" repeated the doctor - a little surprised.

"There's something wrong with it," the man continued. "I mean, it's making me ill!"

"How, exactly?" asked the doctor.

"Well, for a start, it cost a fortune," said the man. "But you know how popular these house-plants are - all my neighbours have them. They are considered a mark of great taste and sophistication. And I liked the look of this one - but it cost me a whole month's wages!"

"That is very unfortunate," the doctor agreed. "But hardly a matter for your doctor - you should discuss the matter with your bankers, or your employer, perhaps?"

The man sighed. "But that was only the beginning of my troubles!" he continued. "You see, this plant is affecting my nerves."

"I see," murmured the doctor. "Kindly elaborate."

"Well, as you know, it cost a fortune, so I am very concerned for its well being, and I have taken great care to look after this plant. At first, I watered it every evening - but it soon began to wilt. So then I watered it twice a day, but that didn't help . . . "

"Yes . . . " the doctor concurred.

"A friend advised me that it wasn't getting enough light so I moved it closer to the window - but then it was in a draught and one of its leaves fell off!"

"Dear, oh dear," the doctor agreed. "But these are matters for a plant doctor. There's nothing wrong with your health at all!"

"But that's where you are mistaken," the man insisted. "This plant is making me ill! I can't sleep for worrying about it! I'm skipping meals, I'm forgetting to shave, my performance is down at work - and all because of this house-plant. And now I think I'm allergic to it! I can't stop sneezing, my vision is blurred - and look at this rash!"

The man showed the doctor a horrible rash all over his hands and chest - and the doctor confirmed his worst fears.

"This is one of the worst cases of house-plant allergy that I have ever seen," he remarked. "But the cure is perfectly simple - you must get rid of it."

"Good God no," gasped the man.

"Come now," said the doctor.

"But I can't!" said the man. "What will the neighbours say?"

"It's only a plant," said the doctor - bemused by his patient's reaction.

"But think of what it cost!" said the man.

"Do you not value your health?" asked the doctor.

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" exclaimed the man. "Throw it away? After the time I've spent tending to it!"

"Please!" said the doctor. "This plant is destroying your life! What possible reason could you have for wanting to keep it?"

"Well . . . " replied the man. "It gives me pleasure."

Moral: This actually happened to a friend of mine.